#274 Virtual Funerals

The New York Times had an article today about streaming funerals online.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/fashion/25death.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha23

Hmm. Interesting. I understand that loved ones routinely live farther apart today than at any other time in history, and we all want to include everyone, but is this really the way to go?



What is the point of a funeral? I guess it depends on who you are. For the immediate family of the deceased it is a time to mourn and say goodbye and get support from other family and friends. If our friends had chosen to stay home and watch the ceremony online we would have sorely missed their hugs and tears and stories of Eric. On the other hand the funeral is not just for the immediate family and it’s not always possible to travel. For Eric’s friends in New Zealand, or other friends and family for whom the trip was too strenuous, or expensive, it might have been nice for them to be able to participate, albeit remotely.



This was not an option we were given and I honestly don’t know if we would have done it or not. Many of our family and friends who couldn’t make it are not web savvy enough to view it this way anyway. Others who might have wanted to see it were unknown to us (or we didn’t know how to contact them) until well after the ceremony.



I think if this were an option I was considering I would want it to be by invitation only, or at least have a sign in requirement—I’d want to know who was viewing. I have learned through facebook and this blog how you can get genuine, meaningful support online, but only if you know it’s there.



Funerals should be a time for sharing and support. The anonymity of the web can take away from that, but I think there is a way to make this work if only as a choice of last resort. I still think it’s better to be there in person. A smiley face emoticon can never take the place of a hug. I don’t hold it against any of my friends who were not able to make Eric’s ceremony—who understands better than I the demands of kids and job and life? But I will never forget the support of those who did make it.