#263 Parental Uncertainty

We are finally digging out from the snow and ice around here and although there was a 2 hour delay for school yesterday, there actually was school…and extracurricular activities. On Thursdays my oldest son has Tae Kwon Do and swim team back to back. Talk about exhausting! But he loves it and those are the only times we can do it, so we do it.




On the way to the JCC (where these activities are held—Charlotte has an amazing JCC) Uncle Eric came up tangentially in conversation. I honestly can’t remember how we got there, it wasn’t on purpose and it wasn’t in an emotional context, but still my son got emotional. My son is very dramatic, and while I don’t like to second guess his emotions, I sometimes wonder if they are genuine or manufactured to fit what he feels would be appropriate.



I tried to tell him that every time we think about Eric, it doesn’t have to make us sad. In fact, it’s nice to think about him without getting sad and remember the good times we had. He told me how someone in his school last year (teacher? counselor?) told him to imagine Eric on his shoulder, like an angel watching over him. I told him that was a great idea and that every time we think about Eric we keep him near us. Of course then he asked if that meant Eric went away when we weren’t thinking about him. I said no, I didn’t want him to feel the burden of always having to think about his uncle.



I did tell him that he and his father and grandparents and I had the special job of helping to keep Eric’s memory alive for his younger brother and creating a vision of Eric for his soon to be youngest brother. I think he felt good about this, I meant for it to make him feel special.



Later that day he started crying for seemingly no reason during swim practice. I asked him if it had anything to do with Uncle Eric and he said no, he was just tired. He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to finish practice, and he was able to calm down and do so.



I hope I helped him. I hope I didn’t give him more responsibility than he can handle. He is only, and just barely, 7. I did tell him that he can come to me and talk about anything at anytime. I hope he takes me up on that.