#303 Fear

I am scared. I am having a c-section today. This is the way that I bring my children into the world.




I labored with my first born child for 12 hours with no signs of progression before my doctor called it. She said a c-section would be the way to go; she thought the cord might be wrapped around his neck. It was not, but my beautiful blond baby boy still entered the world through my abdominal wall.



At the time I had my second child it was thought that it was too dangerous to try laboring after a c-section. The thinking has changed since then, but too late for me. My precocious mischievous boy came as scheduled in the operating room.



I was terrified both times, but had more time for the fear to hit me the second time.



Long after the fear faded my husband and I made a choice to try and have a third child. Today this highly anticipated boy will make his scheduled appearance. And I am scared.



I am worried about him and about me. I am worried about what would happen to my family—my husband, my kids, my parents if something were to happen to me. Eric didn’t knowingly put himself into a potentially fatal position, but I did.



Hopefully all of this fear is unfounded, but just in case, to my sons, my husband, my parents, my in-laws, my extended family—I love you all. I am proud of you all. I am honored to be a part of your family.