A friend of mine just posted this on facebook.
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." – Unknown
Wow. This is so true. And the letting go is so hard. Because I don’t want to let go. What does that mean if I let go? Is it the path to forgetting? Does it mean Eric is no longer influential in my life? How can I let go of my brother?
In some ways I am letting go without realizing it. Time and life just do that for us. But I just can’t consciously do any letting go. I can’t and I don’t want to.
But I have to move forward. Even if I don’t want to life just keeps dragging me that way. Sometimes I feel like a piece of driftwood in the rapids, other times I seem to have more control. But still, ever forward I go. Because you can’t go backwards and you can’t stay still. As much as you want to sometimes.
Next week we take a huge step forward as a new baby enters our lives. A baby that will never know Eric’s smile outside of pictures. A baby who will never get an outrageously loud and enormous gift from him. A baby who will not have crazily posed pictures taken by him. A deprived baby. But still, my baby, who is loved and will move us forward.
I’m going to stretch my arms on the monkey bars as far as they will go. I have to move forward but I don’t want to let go
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