I almost forgot to post yesterday’s blog.
When I first started this project, I posted the blog first thing every morning. There was a sense of urgency to it and I couldn’t rest until I had it out there. Even on vacation over the summer I made sure to build in a spot during the day to post the blog. Until it was done I was anxious about it.
Lately that anxiety has been fading. I’ve done almost 150 of these; I guess I’m in a routine. Yesterday morning I got up and made the boys pancakes (see yesterday’s blog) checked my email, had my own breakfast, and puttered around for a while. Eventually I wrote the blog but by that time my editor (read: husband) was out at the grocery store so I had to wait for his return. He came back and read the blog and gave it the ok but by then we were watching football. A little bit later I went out for the afternoon and it wasn’t until after we put the boys to bed that I realized I had never actually posted the blog. Wow. That’s not like me.
I got it out there, I still haven’t missed a day, but I almost did. And not even for lack of blog material.
Does this mean I’m moving forward? Can you move forward without even knowing or wanting to? Or does it just mean it was a busy Sunday? I’ve definitely gotten more relaxed about it. I don’t freak out if I can’t come up with a topic right away; I know that before the day is out I’ll figure out something to write about. If I don’t get it posted first thing in the morning I’ll get it posted that afternoon. But I don’t want to get so relaxed that I forget to post at all.
Maybe it’s just the routine. Writing the blog is still my dedicated time to think about Eric (not that I don’t think about him a million other times during the day), and it’s still very important to me.
Maybe I am moving on, after all life doesn’t stop, but I’m not leaving Eric behind.
It probably says as much about your evolution as a writer as it does your growth in dealing with grief---both huge accomplishments, although that doesn't feel like the right word to describe it.
ReplyDeleteI think it's okay! It is becoming a trusted part of your daily routine AND you were enjoying a leisurely Sunday with your family. :) Something Eric would definitely, definitely want you to do.
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