#130 Heaven

In the car on the way home from preschool my 3 year old asked, “Who is heaven?” Before I could answer, my 6 year old jumped in. “Heaven isn’t a person, it’s a place. It’s where you go after you die. There are clouds. Uncle Eric is there……Mommy, I miss Uncle Eric.”

Wow.

I honestly don’t know if I believe in heaven. I would like to. I’d love to think that all of our late loved ones are hanging around somewhere waiting to be reunited with us. It takes a leap of faith that I just can’t quite make though. I think it’s more likely that when we’re done, we’re done and that’s it.

When Eric died I didn’t know what to tell my kids about where he was. I think I told them he was in heaven because it was easy and it was an answer they could handle. My 6 year old wanted to take a rocket to go there to visit Eric; he thought there would be signs along the way to tell us where to go. I don’t know if I did a disservice to them or not by telling them this, but it was all I could handle at the time. I could barely talk without crying, let alone handle a metaphysical discussion on the level of a 3 and 6 year old.

I think it’s comforting to think that Eric is somewhere surrounded by clouds and love. I hope my kids are comforted by that thought anyway.

We ended up having a discussion of our favorite moments with Uncle Eric. My 6 year old remembered playing a game where he put his feet in Uncle Eric’s face. My 3 year old remembered visiting with him at his grandparent’s house. They both talked about fighting Uncle Eric with light sabers and how Uncle Eric always won because he watched Star Wars so much and knew all the moves. Although the 3 year old thought maybe he was fast enough to beat Uncle Eric anyway.

I think remembering is my version of heaven. It’s how I keep him with me always. And it’s something I can believe in.