Eric hated his nose. It was large and ethnic and he thought it spoke to people before he did. He felt like he was judged and categorized and possibly dismissed before he even opened his mouth. Even as a child he didn’t like being Jewish, was ashamed to be part of a people that he felt let themselves almost be wiped off of the face of the earth. It’s a shame he wasn’t able to be more at peace with a permanent part of his body. I know at one point he contemplated plastic surgery but I’m not sure if he thought better of the idea or if it was a financial limitation that kept him from pursuing it.
Personally, I thought Eric was very handsome, and his nose never stood in the way of that. It’s just another example of how much more closely we scrutinize ourselves.
Because I am aware of how Eric felt about this, I feel that I owe him an apology. Over the weekend my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching football and talking. He was telling me about watching “Wipe Out” with the boys that morning. He was describing one of the contestants and said he had the stereo-typical Jewish nose and immediately I realized I hadn’t posted yesterday’s blog and I needed to get on that. Sorry Eric.
While I loved you for everything you were I know that you had issues with some parts. I’ll try not to remember you solely by those parts, but to think of you as a whole. Sometimes my brain makes connections that I don’t get a chance to sensor. Next time I’ll try to do better.
Liz,
ReplyDeleteSuch a complicated post you've written and very honest. I don't think you can blame yourself for having a range of connections or associations flood you when you think of the complexity of a relationship.
And, being late with post 141, is actually pretty amazing in my book!