Today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. It is the Day of Atonement, when Jews all over the world ask forgiveness for their sins of the previous year and prepare for the year to come. It is a day of fasting and religious services.
I am having a hard time atoning this year. It’s not that I haven’t made mistakes or miss-steps. I certainly have done things I shouldn’t and not done things I should have. There are many things I can improve and will work to do so in the coming year. I’m not sure I believe in God, but if there is one out there, I’m angry with him. I feel he (or she?) should be asking forgiveness from me.
This is not the attitude I’m supposed to have, I know. I’m supposed to accept that all things happen for a reason even if I don’t understand it. I’m supposed to be ok with not understanding. Well, I’m not. I’m supposed to strive to get to that place, but I don’t know the way and honestly I’m not looking all that diligently for it.
Eric had become a Christian, so today would have been just another Saturday for him. I am not very observant, but I do try to acknowledge and celebrate the high holy days in my own way. This year I’m excused from fasting due to my pregnancy, but I’m having trouble maintaining a spiritual mindset. If I have done something to offend or insult or injure in the past year, I ask your forgiveness. I forgive those who may have offended, insulted or injured me. Except God. Right now, to me, taking Eric away is unforgiveable.
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