#140 Public vs Private Grief

Yesterday was September 11th. Nine years ago on that day this country was under attack. I walked into the ICU to round on my patients when I saw that all of the televisions that normally pointed into the patient rooms were facing the hallway and the staff was gathered around watching them. I was just in time to see the second plane hit the World Trade Center. Somehow I managed to complete my rounds (after all, the patients were still sick; still needed to be cared for) and then I was sent home. The medical school was closed and all hands were asked to stand-by in case of overflow from New York and Washington. Sadly, this did not happen, there were not enough survivors.




This year there is a lot of controversy surrounding the physical space where the World Trade Centers were. A mosque is proposed to be built two blocks away and many people are incredibly upset over this. Personally I stand by our country’s founding ideals of religious freedom. Not all Muslims are terrorists and if that is the lesson we take from 9/11, then the ones who are terrorists truly have won.



I saw a quote in the New York Times this morning that really touched me. The sister of a 9/11 victim said, "I’m tired of talking about everything else, tired of the politics. Today is only about loss." Amen.



I wonder how it feels to have a nation mourn with you for your loved ones, to have a day set aside every year where the wound opens again in a very public way. In some ways I wish the world mourned with me, how can everyone not be missing Eric and be appalled at what happened? In other ways it’s better to have my grief be private and not have people intruding on my emotions on the most painful day of the year, the anniversary.



Please don’t misunderstand me, 9/11 is an event that was tragic and needs to be remembered and memorialized. But I wonder if the survivors of the loved ones lost get tired of the burden of always having to speak out and be at the forefront.



To the sister mentioned above and everyone one else who lost a friend or loved one, I’m so sorry. And now I’m going to leave you alone. That’s the best thing I think I can do for you.