Yesterday I was talking to a patient and a story about Eric just came up. I was already telling it before I decided what tense to use. The patient had amblyopia (one eye that doesn’t see well from childhood due to poor brain development from a variety of reasons) and so did Eric. I was telling her that even as an adult he felt he got some improvement from patching his good eye, even though all of the studies say it makes no difference after about age 7.
I started in past tense. That startled me. Then I started thinking the patient would notice that I was using past tense and might ask me about it. I really didn’t want to go into it. So I switched to present tense. That also made me uncomfortable; kind of like I was lying. So I just ended the story as quickly as I could and moved onto something else.
I don’t have a problem talking about Eric with family or friends or really anyone who already knows what has happened. New friends are tough, in order for me to be able to talk about him I have to go through the whole thing with them and even though it’s painful, it’s worth it.
Acquaintances and patients usually just aren’t worth the story. For the same reason I’m still trying to button my white coat around my ever-expanding pregnant belly; I just don’t want to go into it. It’s not the time to be talking about me, and it generally puts me in a place I don’t want to be.
I guess the anecdotes will pop up where they will and I’ll just decide how (or if) to tell them on a case by case basis. And what tense to use. Once again, it’s the language that trips me up.
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