I’m not going to lie. Yesterday was kind of brutal. We all had our game faces on and talked and ate, but it wasn’t even close to the same. And we all knew it. And we were all thinking it.
My dad made a beautiful toast before dinner that made us cry. We decided to forego our usual tradition of going around the table saying what we were thankful for because, well, it would have just been too hard. I did do it with my kids as I put them to bed though.
I learned that if I stay busy and distracted and annoyed I can avoid feeling emotional and sad. This also tends to alienate my husband and kids, though, so I don’t really think it’s a healthy long-term coping strategy. Sorry guys.
There was a big hole in the middle of our celebration and I think the only things that got us through were our sense of tradition and the antics of my kids. It’s always easier to watch a 4 year old push his almost 7 year old brother on a tire swing than think about what’s missing.
I took one picture yesterday. One. Usually I get a whole album out of the day.
I drank yesterday. Sorry, baby. I thought I needed it emotionally, but really it just ended up making me feel sick and sad.
My husband stepped into Eric’s shoes and made “cocktails” for the boys. They loved it, but they didn’t appreciate how hard it was for him to take on that role that belonged to Eric. I do and I love him even more for it.
The first Thanksgiving without him is over. Somehow we made it through. I’m already dreading next year.
I can't imagine your pain. My best friend had her 20 year old son die without reason in his sleep 2 years ago at Thanksgiving. It was hell for a long time. I don't believe she even got together with family last year, she just couldn't do it. Finally, with a LOT of soul searching, she decided Jesse wouldn't want her to lose one more minute feeling sad. She is remembering him every day with a smile on her face as she remembers the little things he did as a child and young adult. Don't get me wrong, she has her bad days, but she makes a conscious effert to smile. He still has his facebook page and his friends get on there and leave messages for him. It helps her stay connected by reading them often. It WILL get easier to return to that place of joy.
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