Usually at this time of year I’m in a frenzy of anticipation. More than Chanukah, more than Christmas or New Years, Thanksgiving is my holiday. It’s not because of the food, in fact, I don’t even like turkey; it’s because of the family. This year, for obvious reasons, I’m at a loss.
By this time Eric and I have usually been conspiring for at least a month on gifts for family members. I can’t wait for the days to fly by until we are finally on our way to Savannah. I have picked out the boys’ outfits and am ready to impress the family with how handsome they will be—at least for the first five minutes until the shirts get untucked and the sweaters and shoes come off.
This year is so different and I’m not really sure how I feel. I have purchased gifts, but not with the same sense of joy. My boys have clothes to wear, but I haven’t picked out the actual outfits yet. I’ve barely planned my own. It’s not that I don’t want to see the rest of my family; it’s just that the lack of Eric is going to be so obvious.
Even my oldest son is noticing it. I was trying to get him excited about the holiday the other day. I asked if he knew where we were going and he said happily “Grandma and Grandpa’s house!” Then I asked if he remembered who else was coming, meaning my extended family from New York. His head dropped, his voice got quiet and he trailed off as he said, “You just reminded me……”
I know we are all going to feel something missing from our holiday this year. Instead of a time to give thanks and reconnect it feels more like something we just have to get through. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised and it will be better than I’m anticipating, but this year instead of eagerly waiting for it to begin, I’m ready for it to be over.
Time heals all things....I was going to finish that sentence, but there are no words. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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