I’m having a bad emotional week. I miss Eric. I want him here. I want to talk to him. I want to be annoyed and exasperated by him. I want to smell his garlic breath and yell at him for getting my kids all riled up right before bed. I want him to make me laugh until I can’t breathe and then do it again. I want him to make me think.
It seems ridiculous to say that I am lonely when I am surrounded by family and friends, but I am. I am lonely for him. I am now alone in the world in a way I never was before. And it stinks.
Yesterday I had a patient come in and bring me a copy of the article that Marissa Brooks wrote about me and Eric and this blog. She is a patient I know well and just wanted to make sure I had a copy. Then she told me how her son had died in October. We cried and hugged and commiserated. I can’t imagine losing a child and I’m sure neither could she or my parents until it happened. She has also lost two husbands and a brother. Somehow she still stays strong.
And so will I.
I know I will have some times that are more emotional than others. This has been a particularly bad week. The other night my husband brought in Burger King for the boys and let them have a “picnic” in their bedroom so I could have some time to myself. It was amazing and really made me appreciate what I have. It’s so hard when I want to be with them and yet need some alone time all at the same time.
Thank you to my husband and my patient and everyone else who supports me. I’m sure I’ll be back on a more even keel soon….until the next time.
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