It seems I am slowing down my blogging pace. Some of this is undoubtedly due to the presence of the baby. It’s hard to accomplish much when he wants to eat every three hours and takes at least 30 minutes of that time to get it done. Still, I wonder if some of it has to do with a desire not to finish.
I enjoy writing the blog and sharing my life with all of you. I love the feedback that I get here, on facebook and through email. I like the dedicated time to think about Eric, even though I think about him all the time anyway.
Mostly though, I don’t want another ending in my life. I don’t think I want to finish. I’m toying with the idea of only writing for 365 days. That way I can always come back and finish it later…or not. And it isn’t quite so final.
When I started this blog I wondered if it would hurt to end it, if it would bring back all those fresh memories of loss and now I know that it will. 366 days seemed like forever, but it’s almost gone. And Eric’s still gone. And I still hurt. Although it has gotten somewhat easier to manage.
I also want to create something really special for the last one and I’m not sure I’m up to the task. He was so much more creative than me; so much funnier. I can never come up with what he would have done, but I don’t want to fail at my best attempt. If I leave that spot blank, I can’t be disappointed with what I put there. Then again, if I don’t try I’ll never know what I could have come up with.
I don’t know how or even if this blog will officially end, but I’m still planning on blogging in a slightly different, less Eric-centric forum. I hope you’ll still follow me there and I hope it doesn’t feel too much like a betrayal.
Thanks Eric for getting me into something I really enjoy. Now if only you could show me how to make a living with it, because I’m sure you would have had some plan to do it.
I will follow you where ever you want to write. Just let me know where you are.
ReplyDeleteI don't know when I will "stop" writing about Dan. He is so much a part of me that it seems I have to write about the sharing and the things that we did. That leads me to things that I do or think. So I started the second blog to try and cover the rest of the things that just kept coming up.
I hope you find the same thing.
Be well my friend.
G
No!!! Don't end it!!! Rename "366+ days of Eric"!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of 366 + of Eric, too.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you'll know what do as you get to 360 or so. :)
I truly believe the 366th day of Eric will be very healing and will put a smile on your face, not sorrow. You accomplished your task. Eric helped you get there. He would have wanted you to finish and head to the next challenge. I don't pretend to know him because I never met him. However, after ready these blogs I have come to know your relationship with him a bit. This is truly a great honor to him. It's something your children will always have. All life has an ending, so too should your journal. I believe you should look into having it published. It seriously would help many people mourn the passing of a loved one. Think about it.
ReplyDelete