Yesterday was such a contrast to how I felt after Eric died. Of course I am sad that my grandmother is gone. It hit me at random spots throughout the day and it is still hitting me. And yet I was able to go to the mall to walk with a friend, do the laundry, take the oldest to Tae Kwon Do, participate in the middle child’s school Seder and cheer at his tee-ball game.
I could not have done any of that the day I found out about Eric. I could barely walk, talk and eat that day. Or many of the following days.
My patience was a little shorter yesterday and I felt a little more exhausted, but it was easier to accept that life goes on.
My husband and I told each boy about Grandma separately, mostly due to time constraints in our schedules. They took it well. Both were sad, but it was interesting to see how they processed it differently. The 7 year old wanted to know how she got sick and why she couldn’t get better. The 4 year old wanted reassurance that he wasn’t going to die….ever.
I miss my Grandma and I always will, but not with the same ache I feel for Eric. Part of it is the difference in our relationships and part is the difference in the circumstances of their deaths. While I took many things from Eric’s apartment just in case I found myself needing them someday, I only want one thing from Grandma. She had a little candy bowl that was always filled with Andes Candies when I was growing up. I used to love to go and find it and have one. I want that bowl. I want to look at it and think of her and remember. And somehow that will help the pain go away.
I am so sorry about your grandmother's passing. I am sure you will miss her. I miss grandma Waller terribly. We had a very close bond. When my parents divorced she and grandpa were there for me and my brother. She offered advice as we got older, we shared telephone conversations often. I visited and gave her perms as needed. She had the warmest hugs and everyone ALWAYS got one. I still miss all these things. But the memories are neverending. I love when some little thing happens throughout the day that brings an instant memory of her. It always makes me smile. My grandmother always had star cookies. I'm glad you are coping better with Eric and I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. That too will ease. Love ya, cousin Lori
ReplyDeleteHi Liz,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your grandmother. I remember being in her apartment, maybe on one of your mom's visits from Thailand. I don't remember the candies. But I do remember how happy she was when you were born and I stopped down at the house with Katey, who enchanted her by repeating everything I said to her.
I'll call your mom.
Love,
Gail