#333 Promises

As I was cradling my 5 week old (5 weeks already!!) the other night, I was talking to him. It was nothing profound, mostly a narration of our day or what I was doing. He was fussy and I was trying to calm him down. At one point he looked scared (he has the greatest facial expressions even though they’re probably all caused by gas) and I told him not to worry, that I would keep him safe. I promised.




Then I thought about Eric. I’m sure my mother promised him the same thing, verbally or not. It’s an implicit promise we all make to our children. And I know my mother did her best to keep that promise. Who could have known that a so-called healthy activity would end the way it did? How can I keep my promise when there is so much in the world that is out of my control?



I have been known to be a control freak, but you can’t control someone’s life. At 5 weeks it’s pretty easy. I control what he eats, where he goes, what he sees. But as he gets older it only gets harder. I’ll never forget when my oldest son was 3 and he called me a bitch. Thank you daycare. But that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have gone to daycare, it was just an unfortunate side effect of another family’s divorce.



I can’t and I shouldn’t go everywhere with my kids. They need to have experiences on their own. But all of this makes it harder to keep my promise.



Still, I will do what I can when I can and hope and pray that it’s enough.



**The afternoon after I wrote this blog I asked my 4 year old what he liked best about being a big brother. He said keeping the baby safe. I’ll take all the help I can get.