#25 Cynical parenting

Yesterday my kids were not well behaved when I picked them up from school. My 3 year old had 3 time outs before we even got home, including one he shared with his older brother. We have a special version of a time out specifically for the car invented by my husband; the kids have to sit quietly with their hands over their eyes.

When we pulled into the driveway I turned around and told them that I wanted to start the afternoon over. We would forget about the misbehavior and go inside and have a good afternoon. My 6 year old started crying. Now my 6 year old is really dramatic (no idea where he gets that from….) so his crying was not totally out of the ordinary, but it seemed a little much since he wasn’t actually getting punished at the time. I asked him not to cry and he said, “It’s not about this, it’s about Uncle Eric.” I asked him if anything specific had reminded him of Eric and he said no, he just thinks about him a lot and sometimes that makes him cry. First, let me say that I respect that. I do that too. But yesterday, I doubted him. Is that horrible?

I wondered if my overly dramatic son had figured out a way to scam the system. If he cries about Uncle Eric then he’ll get sympathy and not punished. Of course I wasn’t actually punishing him….but the timing was fishy.

He then told me that sometimes he feels sad and cries at school. When this happens his teacher will let him go hug the assistant teacher. His school has been wonderful with him. There were no penalties for the time he missed, and when he got back he was evaluated by the school psychologist. We were away over his birthday and when I called to ask the teacher to remember to give him a make-up day, she was already doing it. I didn’t know about his crying in school, but I’m sure they just take it in stride. If it was excessive, they would let me know.

So how come this little part of me wonders if he just does that when he feels he wants attention??

My 6 year old is very sensitive. He notices if kids or teachers are absent and asks if they are ok when they come back. When he had to give a birthday wish for his assistant teacher, he wished that her son felt better. (He was sick and is fine now.) The other kids wished she would get candy or cake or toys. It’s completely plausible that he has his Eric moments just as I do.

Apparently I am so cynical I can’t trust my own son. I would never tell him any of this. I comfort him and tell him it’s ok to cry and be sad. I actually love that he remembers Uncle Eric and misses him enough to cry about it.

The tears didn’t last very long, and soon after getting home the boys were in their usual form fighting over an empty cardboard box.

I was left wondering if my parenting skills are so bad that I can’t tell real grief from false. Since I’m not a mind reader, I’ll never know for sure, but I think it was real. I’m sorry I doubted him.