#16 Lifestyle choices

My 3 year old wants to marry me. Of course he also wants to marry 3 girls from his pre-school class, his teacher, the “girl from baseball” and my 6 year old’s fiancé’s little sister. Yes, you read that right. My 6 year old has been engaged to the same girl for 3 years now. They are not at the same school but keep in touch through play dates (does everyone else hate that phrase as much as I do?) and birthday parties. He brings her rings from the treasure box at school and worries about what he is going to wear when he sees her. She’s already planning the wedding; she’s going to wear a purple dress with sparkles.

I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 11 years. We met as I was deciding to go to medical school and he stuck with me through the horrible application process and the grueling years of schooling and residency that were my twenties.

While we were doing that, Eric was leading a glamorous life. Harvard undergrad, jobs in San Diego, Austin, London (yes, the one in England), UVA law, jobs in New Zealand and Las Vegas. I was so busy studying and being sleep-deprived on call that I only ever got to visit him in one of those places. (London, so I’m not complaining too much). I always relied on Eric to visit me, and he always did. Eric’s travel and his lifestyle always made me jealous.

I remember one summer when he was in law school and was interning at a firm in New York City. I was a resident at the time and he was complaining to me about his schedule. I asked him what time he got in that morning and he said, “Well, I came in late this morning because I worked out with my personal trainer.” Then I asked when he would be leaving. “Well, I’m leaving early today because there’s a black tie dinner the firm is paying for me to go to.” Eric made as much money that summer as I made all that year. Needless to say, I won that battle of suffering.

I only found out a couple of years ago that Eric was jealous of me. He wanted to find someone to settle down with and have a family. He envied the close relationship that my husband and I have and was looking for something similar.

I am glad that he found that relationship before he died. I’m so sorry that he didn’t have a chance to actually marry and have children with the love of his life. I know he would have been a dedicated, loving and unique father and husband. It makes me so sad that he didn’t get to experience that and that I won’t get to see him go through that. Or buy his children huge toys that make really loud noises.

He had amazing experiences and certainly let nothing pass him by. I just wish he could have had it all.