I have a motivation problem. If this could happen to Eric, this could happen to anyone, at anytime. Why then, should I go to work? Shouldn’t I be out there enjoying life to its fullest just in case this is all I get? I should be spending more time with my children (which can sometimes be classified as enjoyment), spending more time with my husband, doing the things I love to do. Shouldn’t I?
Yet, if I did that I couldn’t pay my mortgage, couldn’t put food on the table, couldn’t pay for gas, clothing or any of the million and one other things my family needs and wants. So I guess I have to go to work.
Why should I try to be healthy? Eric was very healthy, in good shape and yet look where it got him. Theoretically I should eat well and not smoke or drink too much. I should exercise and take the proper supplements. But I could also be hit by a bus tomorrow. You see where I’m going with this?
It’s hard to take the long view when thinking about a life that has been cut so tragically short. It’s hard to give up the instant gratification for something that may or may not happen in a future that may or may not come. It’s not practical to live as though there is no future, but it might be more fun. And if it all ended now, would you be happy with what you’ve accomplished?
Eric had some major accomplishments. He lived and worked on three continents. He was a certified and experienced scuba diver. He had a law degree and was working on a master’s in hospitality. He had an amazing girlfriend whom he planned to marry. He was working on a book of poetry. Was it enough? How much is enough?
I wonder, if I didn’t have kids, if I would still be able to get up in the mornings. They are too needy to ignore. But without them keeping me going, making me get them ready for school, I might just lay there and contemplate life and wonder what it is that I truly have to do that day.
Life is a balance between have to and want to and I guess I’m just trying to find the place where the scales are still.
I do not have an answer, but understand the search for meaning.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, as a culture, we really do put so much focus on the culmination of work, that we do not honor the act of getting there.
I worked for a headmaster who gave a graduation speech and thanked the students for perservering in the dark days of February. That--more than what they achieved that sunny day in June--was what he wanted to thank them for and wanted them to remember.