#49 United in grief

Every morning as we get ready for work, my husband and I have CNN on in the bedroom. In between showers and hair dryers and getting the kids ready we try to stay updated on the state of the world. This week they have been talking about a new feature on the CNN website, “Remembering the fallen”. This is an interactive tool which places maps of Afghanistan or Iraq side by side with a map of the US. Each map has lots of little dots on it. Each dot in Afghanistan or Iraq represents a place where a soldier has died. Each dot in the US represents the hometown of a soldier. If you click on a dot in Afghanistan or Iraq it will list the names of soldiers killed there. If you click on a hometown in the US it will bring up the name and cause of death of the soldier from that town. There is also a place to share memories and messages. It is incredibly powerful.

It has made me realize how much grief there is in the world at any one time. Each of these soldiers has an extended network of family and friends, as does Eric. Each of them is experiencing loss to one degree or another. How many of us are walking right by each other right now?

Grief is one of those things that’s almost impossible to share. I think that’s why I do it here where I don’t need to look any one in the face or worry that they’re getting sick of me talking about it already. It’s easier to talk to someone about it if they are also grieving. This is probably why support groups can work so well.

I wonder if it’s any easier for the loved ones of these soldiers to accept their deaths given what they did for a living. It’s no secret that these men and women place themselves in harms way, for us, everyday. Everyone knows death is possible. My guess is that it doesn’t make the initial reaction any better. A possibility is infinitely different from the stark reality. After a time, maybe knowing that the person you loved died in service to his or her country probably does help. They knew what they were doing and chose to accept that risk. It’s still a tragedy, each and every one is a tragedy, a loss of a life and future generations. But it was a known risk.

Eric never made a choice to put himself in harm’s way. He had a pretty risk-free lifestyle. But in the end that didn’t matter.

Grief is grief, but I’ll bet there is comfort when there is a reason. It may be minimal, but it’s there. Some people would say there is a reason for Eric’s death; we just don’t know it yet. I’m not there.

I would recommend that you check out CNN’s website and remember the fallen. I am helped everyday by knowing you are reading about Eric. I would like to help other grieving families by remembering their loved ones.