Eric is my brother. Eric was my brother. Both of those statements are true. Eric will forever be my annoying, irreverent, scary smart, hysterically funny, loving, generous, stubborn, little brother. Eric is also dead. I will have no more new memories of him unless I imagine them. I will have no more “Eric installments” for my friends who liked to laugh and marvel at the adventures and peculiarities of his life. His girlfriend Katie and I will never be the sisters I hoped we would one day be. I will never be an Aunt to his children and my children most likely won’t remember him. Still, I will remember him. Here is my forum to do so, at least for a little while.
I am sure you are wondering why 366 days. Why not 365 days? That would be the expected thing. If you knew Eric, you know he never did the expected thing. Therefore, in remembering him, neither will I. Eric once filled out the brackets for the NCAA pool my husband runs, calling half the games according to alphabetical order and the other half according to reverse alphabetical order. He once celebrated my Aunt’s birthday 3 days late because she was born on tax day and that year in Massachusetts, tax day was April 18th not April 15th due to a weekend and a holiday. He once tried to boil oil to make fettuccine alfredo.
In this space I will celebrate Eric, I will mourn Eric, and I will probably do a lot more that I will discover as I go.
Today, April 26, 2010, four months and 18 days after Eric died, I still don’t like to think of him in the past tense.
Eric is my brother.
Liz-
ReplyDeleteThis is a great idea and I think it will be a journey that your brother would have applauded... as I have looked at many parts of his life.. I have seen the "character" that your brother was and it's only proper that in so way his story should be told by you!
Also we may never officially be sisters- but you will always be a sister in my heart just like your brother will always be a love I carry with me always.
I look forward to reading, smiling, and remembering with you!
Welcome to the blogasphere, Liz, and what a great way for you to make concrete some of what must feel ephemeral. I imagine you feel Eric's presence very strongly as you write about him--I know I do, and I never got to meet him. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine that it tears at the soul everytime you write of what was taken too soon. You are brave to do so.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, my dear friend, Liz. What a wonderful, constructive and heartfelt way to reflect, remember and love your brother. xoxo, me
ReplyDeleteLOVE it. You are amazing Liz. Wow. As always--thinking of you and sending our love. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteDuring the NCAA tourney this year I kept thinking of Eric. I missed his unique bracket. What do you think about including a "memorial bracket" for him in the pool each year? The picks in the bracket could vary each year to include the different methods Eric used. I remember one year where he chose the lower seed to win each game all the way through the championship game.
ReplyDeleteI definitely missed his brackets this year. I loved his crazy systems and, as wild as they were some years, he'd beat me every once in awhile. I'd always try to guess how he'd do the brackets -- I was always wrong, but it quickly became part of the fun of the tournament.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of your support. It means more to me than I will ever be able to tell you.
ReplyDeleteLiz
I LOVE THIS. Eric always loved reading my blog about his nephews, and I hope that one day the boys will read your blog about Eric and remember how much he loved them. I can't wait to keep reading :)
ReplyDeleteIt's heartbreaking to read your post. I wasn't in the closest contact with him in the last few years. I can't imagine what it must be like for you and your family (and Katie) to have lost him. Some days I feel like it was just yesterday that I heard Eric had died. I still haven't taken his cell phone out of mine. Unique and well-loved-- that's how I'll remember him.
ReplyDeleteJust started reading. My older brother died July 2, 2011 in a rock climbing accident. He was rappeling and the rope came loose. He was 29. He was also an organ donor so he too "lives" on. I'm just starting to really process everything. It just doesn't seem real yet though I know it happened. It's been almost 5 months now. Thank you for this blog. I'm going to start reading now...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Trinity, my heart goes out to you and your family. Nearly 2 years in I can say it gets less raw, but not more real. I still can't believe Eric is truly gone. I hope you keep reading and that you have good support in the real world too.
ReplyDeleteLiz