Have I mentioned before Eric’s love of all things Apple? Hopefully you can read the sarcasm in that sentence. Eric was the reason I first went to the Apple store (and even knew there was an Apple store) here in Charlotte. He needed something fixed on his laptop so we went to the genius bar and they took care of it.
When a friend of mine was thinking about getting a Macbook, it was Eric’s advice we solicited.
I didn’t want to mention this in yesterday’s blog because we hadn’t given it to him yet, but my husband is now the proud owner of an iPad. Eric would be so jealous—or maybe not, maybe he’d already have his own.
My parents, in-laws, brother-in-law and husband’s grandmother and aunt all chipped in with me to get this amazing gift for my husband. I knew he really wanted one and I also knew he didn’t think there was a chance he was getting one. It was fun to watch him open the box and see his eyes get wide. He immediately left for the Apple store to pick out a case. He played with it all last night and was complaining about having to actually work this morning because it was cutting into his playtime.
I love getting people I love things that they love--especially when it’s unexpected. I wish Eric could have been here to appreciate it and advise me on which one to get. I’m sure he and my husband would have had hours of conversation debating the pros and cons of the different varieties and apps. I’m sure Eric would have found some amazing apps that maybe we will or won’t find on our own.
I just miss knowing what he is thinking.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
#279 Happy Birthday to my Husband
Today is my husband’s birthday. Happy birthday to the man who makes everything possible for me. As he so astutely pointed out at dinner last night he has been with me through applying to medical school, medical school itself, the residency match, residency, fellowship, and the craziness that was me studying for my boards. Along the way we have had 2 (and a half) kids, moved twice, and had many, many experiences together. There are many things I don’t think I could have made it through without him, Eric’s death being right at the top of the list.
That said, Eric’s death was incredibly hard for him as well. They were very close, really more brothers than brothers-in-law. They really got each other.
A couple of years ago for my husband’s birthday Eric sent an interesting gift. Eric had a habit of giving out there gifts, things that someone somewhere might want or find useful, just not us. For example he once gave me a wool hat with attached braids and he didn’t mean it as a gag gift. This particular year my husband opened his gift to find a box advertising shoes that help with the yard work. There were rake, brush and even snow shovel attachments for the shoes. The box sang the praises of the shoes including first person testimonials. We thought it was a little odd, but pure Eric. I mean who else could even find something like that?
The gift only got better when we opened the box. There was a huge inside flap that said “Gotcha!” The whole thing was a joke. You can see it here http://www.amazon.com/Kleen%1AStride-Personal-Debris-Removal-System/dp/B001N7Z6IA I laughed as hard as I have ever laughed in my life. It was hysterical. Inside the box was a video game for my husband and a t-shirt of Eric’s he had used for padding. We kept the box and used it on a gift for my husband’s brother. We also kept the shirt and I actually brought it to Las Vegas with me to give back to him last December.
I know my husband misses Eric, maybe even as much as I do. But today, we’re not going to dwell on that. Today we’re going to have cake and give gifts and celebrate. Today is for my husband.
That said, Eric’s death was incredibly hard for him as well. They were very close, really more brothers than brothers-in-law. They really got each other.
A couple of years ago for my husband’s birthday Eric sent an interesting gift. Eric had a habit of giving out there gifts, things that someone somewhere might want or find useful, just not us. For example he once gave me a wool hat with attached braids and he didn’t mean it as a gag gift. This particular year my husband opened his gift to find a box advertising shoes that help with the yard work. There were rake, brush and even snow shovel attachments for the shoes. The box sang the praises of the shoes including first person testimonials. We thought it was a little odd, but pure Eric. I mean who else could even find something like that?
The gift only got better when we opened the box. There was a huge inside flap that said “Gotcha!” The whole thing was a joke. You can see it here http://www.amazon.com/Kleen%1AStride-Personal-Debris-Removal-System/dp/B001N7Z6IA I laughed as hard as I have ever laughed in my life. It was hysterical. Inside the box was a video game for my husband and a t-shirt of Eric’s he had used for padding. We kept the box and used it on a gift for my husband’s brother. We also kept the shirt and I actually brought it to Las Vegas with me to give back to him last December.
I know my husband misses Eric, maybe even as much as I do. But today, we’re not going to dwell on that. Today we’re going to have cake and give gifts and celebrate. Today is for my husband.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
#278 Memories, photographs and things
I’m reading a book in which the heroine’s sister dies. It’s just a junky mystery novel and so far not even that good, but it’s depressing me. The death (murder) of the younger sister opens the book and the older sister is cast in the role of investigator as the police think it’s a suicide and she, of course, does not.
It’s the scenes of her going through her sister’s stuff that are getting to me. That and just going back and visiting the sister’s empty apartment. I’m glad I was not able to do that. I’m not sure how much that would have affected me given that I never saw him alive there. For me it was a place where I saw his things, not him. Still, I’m glad I didn’t (and don’t) have a specific place to go like that. I don’t think it would have been good for me and I don’t think I could have resisted going.
Given that Eric lived so far away from the rest of us, we only had the time we were there to go through the apartment and tag anything we wanted. The rest we instructed a lawyer to donate or junk depending on worth. In some ways I ended up with a lot of things that will probably never come out of my attic because I didn’t want to leave anything that I might someday want. In other ways it was easier to make the decision to leave things behind because I didn’t have to worry about the disposal. Although if I had unlimited storage space I might have taken it all.
My memories and photographs and his things. That’s all I have left now. It hardly seems possible.
It’s the scenes of her going through her sister’s stuff that are getting to me. That and just going back and visiting the sister’s empty apartment. I’m glad I was not able to do that. I’m not sure how much that would have affected me given that I never saw him alive there. For me it was a place where I saw his things, not him. Still, I’m glad I didn’t (and don’t) have a specific place to go like that. I don’t think it would have been good for me and I don’t think I could have resisted going.
Given that Eric lived so far away from the rest of us, we only had the time we were there to go through the apartment and tag anything we wanted. The rest we instructed a lawyer to donate or junk depending on worth. In some ways I ended up with a lot of things that will probably never come out of my attic because I didn’t want to leave anything that I might someday want. In other ways it was easier to make the decision to leave things behind because I didn’t have to worry about the disposal. Although if I had unlimited storage space I might have taken it all.
My memories and photographs and his things. That’s all I have left now. It hardly seems possible.
Friday, January 28, 2011
#277 Popcorn and Potter
I’m pretty sure I have touched on Eric’s love for popcorn in this blog. Popcorn is something he could reliably cook and would eat burned when he couldn’t. It served for his dinner on many occasions. He liked it almost as much as he liked Doritos.
Once for his birthday or Chanukah I gave him a ceramic popcorn bowl that looks like one of those red and white cardboard popcorn boxes that you get at the movie theatre. I thought it was a pretty appropriate gift.
When we went through his apartment we found the bowl on a shelf and I tagged it as something I wanted. It’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be and therefore a lot less useful. One package of microwave popcorn gets lost in its depths. Still I hope Eric liked and used it.
When my oldest son turned seven we gave him the first Harry Potter book to read. My husband and I love the books and couldn’t wait to start our kids on them. We weren’t sure what the appropriate age would be, but seven seemed right for the first book. We’ll keep the next book until he turns eight and so on and so forth so they don’t get too dark at too early an age. My son loved the book, much to our happiness.
A couple of days ago we rented the movie and my husband and I watched it with our son. We made it a special occasion with popcorn and hot chocolate. We put the popcorn in Eric’s bowl. My son especially loved that the bowl had been Eric’s so that he could share that moment with us.
I don’t remember if Eric read or liked the Harry Potter books, but regardless, I’m happy to make him a part of our continuing family occasions.
Once for his birthday or Chanukah I gave him a ceramic popcorn bowl that looks like one of those red and white cardboard popcorn boxes that you get at the movie theatre. I thought it was a pretty appropriate gift.
When we went through his apartment we found the bowl on a shelf and I tagged it as something I wanted. It’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be and therefore a lot less useful. One package of microwave popcorn gets lost in its depths. Still I hope Eric liked and used it.
When my oldest son turned seven we gave him the first Harry Potter book to read. My husband and I love the books and couldn’t wait to start our kids on them. We weren’t sure what the appropriate age would be, but seven seemed right for the first book. We’ll keep the next book until he turns eight and so on and so forth so they don’t get too dark at too early an age. My son loved the book, much to our happiness.
A couple of days ago we rented the movie and my husband and I watched it with our son. We made it a special occasion with popcorn and hot chocolate. We put the popcorn in Eric’s bowl. My son especially loved that the bowl had been Eric’s so that he could share that moment with us.
I don’t remember if Eric read or liked the Harry Potter books, but regardless, I’m happy to make him a part of our continuing family occasions.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
#276 Patches
Boy have patches changed since Eric had to wear them! The upshot of today’s appointment is that no glasses are needed right now, but that my little guy needs to wear a patch for 2 hours a day for the next 2 months and then get re-checked. Our patches are awesome. We have camouflage ones and pirate ones and the one he wore today with planets and stars. Right now he thinks he is the coolest kid in school and keeps checking to make it sure it’s still there even though I’ve assured him it won’t fall off. (it has its own adhesive) Hopefully he’ll continue to think this is cool through the next 2 months and hopefully we won’t have to deal with it after that.
I remember when Eric first started patching. He had a pirate patch with elastic that went around his head and I can remember him lifting it up to better watch cartoons. My parents moved on rather quickly to the adhesive patch that was harder for him to sneak around. Of course it was plain brown, not cool like ours.
I haven’t yet told my little guy that Uncle Eric wore a patch. I’m saving that news for when he decides he doesn’t want to wear it. I’m hoping he’ll think that being like Uncle Eric is cool and go back to liking the patch. I think it’s pretty cool to be like Uncle Eric, even if this isn’t exactly the way I’d prefer he go about it.
I remember when Eric first started patching. He had a pirate patch with elastic that went around his head and I can remember him lifting it up to better watch cartoons. My parents moved on rather quickly to the adhesive patch that was harder for him to sneak around. Of course it was plain brown, not cool like ours.
I haven’t yet told my little guy that Uncle Eric wore a patch. I’m saving that news for when he decides he doesn’t want to wear it. I’m hoping he’ll think that being like Uncle Eric is cool and go back to liking the patch. I think it’s pretty cool to be like Uncle Eric, even if this isn’t exactly the way I’d prefer he go about it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
#275 Eyes
When Eric was in preschool his teacher noticed that he rubbed his eyes a lot and seemed to have trouble seeing when she read stories to the class. After a trip to the eye doctor my parents found out that Eric needed glasses and that the vision in one eye wasn’t as good as in the other so he needed to wear a patch. If you look closely in the picture of him and me as kids, you can see the patch. After what seemed like years of patching, his eyesight did equalize and he just had to wear glasses or contacts.
At about 18 months of life, my husband started wearing glasses because he has an eye that turns in without them. With the glasses his eyes are perfectly straight.
With this family history and my profession, my kids get their eyes checked early and sometimes often. My oldest child has always measured normal for age with his eyes. My youngest has been borderline. Right before we left Oklahoma I had him seen by my mentor, a pediatric and neuro-ophthalmologist and he was VERY far-sighted for his age. His vision was still good and equal (as much as you can measure in a 9 month old) but it was something to watch. Since then the far-sightedness has been decreasing as it should, but when I took the boys in last week for their routine appointment, his left eye didn’t seem to be seeing as well as the right. It was late in the day and the appointment was long and the boys were tired, but we still couldn’t get him to read quite as well with the left eye as the right and there was a small prescription difference between the eyes. The difference shouldn’t have been enough to cause a problem, but well, you never know.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to bring him back in to have his left eye checked again. We’re going first thing in the morning when he shouldn’t be tired and he won’t need to be dilated so the appointment will be much shorter. Hopefully the left eye will test out as well as the right and we won’t need to worry about it. Worst case, he’ll need glasses which isn’t THAT big a deal as Eric and my husband could attest to. Still, I don’t want to have to try and make a four year old who sees perfectly with one eye keep glasses on his face. Oh well, I’ll do what I have to do as my parents did when they struggled with Eric to get him to keep the patch on.
This is one legacy I hope he didn’t pass on.
At about 18 months of life, my husband started wearing glasses because he has an eye that turns in without them. With the glasses his eyes are perfectly straight.
With this family history and my profession, my kids get their eyes checked early and sometimes often. My oldest child has always measured normal for age with his eyes. My youngest has been borderline. Right before we left Oklahoma I had him seen by my mentor, a pediatric and neuro-ophthalmologist and he was VERY far-sighted for his age. His vision was still good and equal (as much as you can measure in a 9 month old) but it was something to watch. Since then the far-sightedness has been decreasing as it should, but when I took the boys in last week for their routine appointment, his left eye didn’t seem to be seeing as well as the right. It was late in the day and the appointment was long and the boys were tired, but we still couldn’t get him to read quite as well with the left eye as the right and there was a small prescription difference between the eyes. The difference shouldn’t have been enough to cause a problem, but well, you never know.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to bring him back in to have his left eye checked again. We’re going first thing in the morning when he shouldn’t be tired and he won’t need to be dilated so the appointment will be much shorter. Hopefully the left eye will test out as well as the right and we won’t need to worry about it. Worst case, he’ll need glasses which isn’t THAT big a deal as Eric and my husband could attest to. Still, I don’t want to have to try and make a four year old who sees perfectly with one eye keep glasses on his face. Oh well, I’ll do what I have to do as my parents did when they struggled with Eric to get him to keep the patch on.
This is one legacy I hope he didn’t pass on.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
#274 Virtual Funerals
The New York Times had an article today about streaming funerals online.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/fashion/25death.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha23
Hmm. Interesting. I understand that loved ones routinely live farther apart today than at any other time in history, and we all want to include everyone, but is this really the way to go?
What is the point of a funeral? I guess it depends on who you are. For the immediate family of the deceased it is a time to mourn and say goodbye and get support from other family and friends. If our friends had chosen to stay home and watch the ceremony online we would have sorely missed their hugs and tears and stories of Eric. On the other hand the funeral is not just for the immediate family and it’s not always possible to travel. For Eric’s friends in New Zealand, or other friends and family for whom the trip was too strenuous, or expensive, it might have been nice for them to be able to participate, albeit remotely.
This was not an option we were given and I honestly don’t know if we would have done it or not. Many of our family and friends who couldn’t make it are not web savvy enough to view it this way anyway. Others who might have wanted to see it were unknown to us (or we didn’t know how to contact them) until well after the ceremony.
I think if this were an option I was considering I would want it to be by invitation only, or at least have a sign in requirement—I’d want to know who was viewing. I have learned through facebook and this blog how you can get genuine, meaningful support online, but only if you know it’s there.
Funerals should be a time for sharing and support. The anonymity of the web can take away from that, but I think there is a way to make this work if only as a choice of last resort. I still think it’s better to be there in person. A smiley face emoticon can never take the place of a hug. I don’t hold it against any of my friends who were not able to make Eric’s ceremony—who understands better than I the demands of kids and job and life? But I will never forget the support of those who did make it.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/fashion/25death.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha23
Hmm. Interesting. I understand that loved ones routinely live farther apart today than at any other time in history, and we all want to include everyone, but is this really the way to go?
What is the point of a funeral? I guess it depends on who you are. For the immediate family of the deceased it is a time to mourn and say goodbye and get support from other family and friends. If our friends had chosen to stay home and watch the ceremony online we would have sorely missed their hugs and tears and stories of Eric. On the other hand the funeral is not just for the immediate family and it’s not always possible to travel. For Eric’s friends in New Zealand, or other friends and family for whom the trip was too strenuous, or expensive, it might have been nice for them to be able to participate, albeit remotely.
This was not an option we were given and I honestly don’t know if we would have done it or not. Many of our family and friends who couldn’t make it are not web savvy enough to view it this way anyway. Others who might have wanted to see it were unknown to us (or we didn’t know how to contact them) until well after the ceremony.
I think if this were an option I was considering I would want it to be by invitation only, or at least have a sign in requirement—I’d want to know who was viewing. I have learned through facebook and this blog how you can get genuine, meaningful support online, but only if you know it’s there.
Funerals should be a time for sharing and support. The anonymity of the web can take away from that, but I think there is a way to make this work if only as a choice of last resort. I still think it’s better to be there in person. A smiley face emoticon can never take the place of a hug. I don’t hold it against any of my friends who were not able to make Eric’s ceremony—who understands better than I the demands of kids and job and life? But I will never forget the support of those who did make it.
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