#311 Thank You Notes

Lots of people send gifts for a new baby. This is wonderful and I always enjoy opening the packages and seeing the adorable tiny things inside. Less wonderful is writing all of the thank you notes. I don’t necessarily enjoy the process, but I think it’s really important. I know the people who get the thank you notes will appreciate them, and I want them to know how much it means that they thought of us.




I try to make each thank you note personalized and different. Not only is it boring for me to write the same note over and over again, but it’s more fun to get a thank you note that contains real information than a generic “Thank you for the gift”.



The first time I ever remember writing thank you notes was after my Bat Mitzvah. We had a huge party with lots of guests which meant lots of gifts and therefore lots of thank you notes. My mother asked me to write a certain number of notes everyday and I didn’t want to write any. I remember getting in trouble because I skipped out on my required notes for the day and went to a friend’s house instead. At the time, I didn’t understand the importance that my mom placed on the notes. I do now.



It seems that people are starting to teach kids to write thank you notes earlier now. When my sons go to birthday parties we get thank you notes from their friends. In turn, we also send them out after their birthday parties. Most kids’ party invitations now come with fill in the blank thank you notes. It’s not very personalized, but easy for kids and it teaches them the habit early.



One year, either for his birthday or Chanukah, Eric got my oldest son personalized stationery; an odd gift for a child who couldn’t read or write at the time. We made fun of Eric for the choice, but the stationery is really beautiful. I had forgotten all about it until I was looking for my stationery and opened the box. I think his is nicer than mine. After his next birthday his friends are going to get some really nice thank you notes. But I think we’ll save at least one as a reminder of Uncle Eric.

#310 Baby Rolls

My mother tells a story of how unique Eric was right from the very start. When he was born he was in the newborn nursery and apparently rolled over. I’m suspicious that one nurse turned him over and then went off shift or something so no one else knew and everyone else just thought he turned over. My mother insists he actually rolled, and if he did, that is truly remarkable. I can remember urging my oldest to turn over and even getting on the floor to demonstrate it and he would just never do it. And that was at a few months of age, rolling as a newborn is impressive.




I put Drew down for tummy time for the first time today, and no he didn’t roll over. But he came close! He hated tummy time which wasn’t really surprising considering all of my kids have hated it. He fussed and screamed and lifted his head and his bottom and one leg went higher than the other and he came really close to flipping onto his back. I left him there as long as I could stand the screaming but eventually he tired out and I picked him up and calmed him down. I’m not expecting him to roll anytime soon, but we’ll try tummy time again and see what happens. Knowing my kids, he won’t come close again until he’s one.

#309 Holey Scarf

One year when Eric was living in London he sent me gorgeous white cashmere scarf for Chanukah. I love this scarf. It is stylish, goes with everything, and is really soft and warm. Somewhere along the way it developed a hole, but I’ve been wearing it anyway, it’s a small hole and really not visible unless you’re looking for it.




I haven’t worn the scarf all winter; I haven’t worn any scarf all winter. I’ve barely worn a winter coat. I get hot when I’m pregnant. Now that I am no longer pregnant, even our pretty moderate weather is feeling chilly to me. I was cold inside the house today, so I pulled out the scarf. There are now multiple holes. Most are teeny tiny, but some are not. There are multiple other places where you can see the fabric thinning and holes beginning to start. It looks a little bit like Swiss cheese. I have no idea why these holes are occurring, but I probably can’t wear the scarf out in public anymore.



I’m not getting any more gifts from Eric so I hate that one that I have is deteriorating. I’m still wearing it as I type this, but I’m going to have to get a new one for going outside. Next year.

#308 Unexpected Tears

I had an Eric moment this morning. We were out to breakfast and my seven year old started talking about the Harry Potter movie. He said there was a part in the beginning that he really liked when they were all first at Hogwarts and were eating a meal. He then went on to quote the bit of dialogue that made him laugh. It was really sweet. And I cried.




I am a hormonal mess right now. I don’t cry easily and can usually manage to choke the tears back when they threaten to come. I don’t think my kids knew I was crying, but I had to cover my face and turn my head for a moment until I could get it all under control.



Eric used to do that. He would watch his favorite movies over and over until (and even after) he had pretty much the entire thing memorized. I remember this especially with the Indiana Jones and Star Wars movies. I don’t know if that’s a boy thing, a kid thing or just an Eric thing, but it wasn’t anything I ever did. Viewing a movie once is usually enough for me, maybe twice if it’s really good.



Watching my son happily quote dialogue from a favorite movie just stopped me in my tracks. I’m starting to cry again just writing about it. I never would have thought that would affect me like that. And maybe it wouldn’t have if I hadn’t just had a baby a week ago and wasn’t a sea of hormones.



Either way, it’s amazing the things that bring the memories back. Sad as it makes me, I’m glad the memories are there and that they come back. I so wish Eric could see the people his nephews are turning into. Maybe somewhere he can.

#307 Expectations

Throughout the life of this blog I’ve talked a lot about what a crazy, mischievous, creative and non-conformist person Eric was. He was like that his entire life, starting as an infant when he would throw his head back as the person who carried him would walk through a doorway, inevitably hitting the door jamb. This started a life of hard-headedness. He and my father would literally head wrestle each other, and Eric was also incredibly stubborn. I see a little of him in my middle child who insists he is right even when it is obvious that he is wrong. (“Mommy, the sun is down.” “No honey, it’s still light out” “No, it’s night, the sun is down. Etc…)




Although I loved Eric dearly, he was difficult to parent and I have expressed in this blog already that I hope my new baby doesn’t take after his uncle too closely. I don’t need to find out from strangers that he found his way out of the house and onto a busy street or to have him try and blow up a friend’s house with a gasoline volcano. Still I hope he’ll have some of his uncle’s traits, like his sense of humor and his sweet and generous nature. Too bad we don’t get to pick and choose.



Although we’ve named him after his uncle, I want Andrew to be his own person. I don’t want him to feel pressure to live up to his uncle. He is perfect as he is, however that turns out to be. It might already be too late for that message though. The other day, at less than a week old, my husband was carrying him through a doorway and he threw his head back. He didn’t hit the door jamb, but give him a little more time and strength and he might….



Uh oh.

#306 Bris

We had Andrew’s bris last night. It was wonderful. We had friends and family gathered in the house and the Rabbi came and formally bestowed both his English and Hebrew names. There was no cutting involved—that was done before we left the hospital. (for those of you who don’t know a traditional bris involves a naming ceremony as well as a circumcision)




I asked the Rabbi to say a few words about how Andrew was named after his uncle. An uncle he will never get to know. The Rabbi never knew Eric, and he asked what he did and all I could do was smile and say he did everything. I told him that Eric was funny. I didn’t really give him a lot to work with. He managed to create a very touching ceremony. I guess when you are a Rabbi you get used to making very little sound like a lot.



He talked about how we get different names throughout our lives, beginning with the ones given by our parents and God. He also talked about living up to the names we are given. He talked about honoring Eric in the giving of his names and in the living of his life.



There were several wet eyes in the room, including mine. Even Andrew started fussing.



We cried and we smiled and we remembered and we looked forward. There were a lot of emotions in the room. Luckily we had each other and Andrew to hold onto.

#305 I'm back

It’s been a week since I’ve written a blog. In some ways I’ve missed it, in other ways it’s been nice not to have the pressure of writing one everyday. I enjoy writing them, but it’s always nagging at me until it’s done for the day.




In that week I’ve spent a lot of time high on pain meds staring at an incredibly beautiful, incredibly tiny face. I’ve also had a house full of family and been very sleep deprived. And have I mentioned the pain meds?



Yesterday I had a moment where I reminded myself to call Eric and tell him something. That hasn’t happened in a long time. I don’t know if it’s the pain meds, the sleep deprivation or just me missing him, but his loss hit me all over again. We are having a bris for my new son tonight and Eric should be here. We will be honoring him with both the English and Hebrew names for my son, but I’d rather he be here.



And I know I’m not the only one.